What I Learned from Watching Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Recently I “incidentally” watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, again. In my defense, I was too lazy to move from the couch when my mom was watching the movie. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad movie, since I write this in a virtual blog and as you know you literally can’t  keep things discreet in the internet. So, let me just tell you what I learned after watching this thing for the second time.

1. Rosie Huntington cannot act, and the director knows it

I know what you’re probably thinking: “D’uh doy!”. But still, I think I have the obligation, and the rights, to emphasize this one after watching her acted for the second time. She has a smokin’ hot body, but not a very nice lips (IMO), and she surely isn’t a born actress. I don’t have to describe her roles, because I’m sure that you already know what I am talking about.

2. Patrick Dempsey is just too wise to be a villain

When you see Patrick Dempsey, you imagine a doctor, a professor, a mentor, a just district attorney, and a good-loving father. But can you imagine him as a fighter? Maybe. As a villain? Not really. How about a diabolical boss villain? Definitely, not. Why? Read what I have written above. However, he could be a perverted professor who likes to seduce young students in his office. But still, I don’t think he could nail the interrogation scene because he is just too damn wise. He might nail it, IF he pleads guilty before the detectives even start to ask any questions. And I’m not sure he’s even the real culprit.

3. Shia LaBeouf is a lucky bastard

He made out with Megan Fox. Not once, not twice, but in two movies! And when they dumped her, they replaced her with another hot girl namely Rosie Huntington. And guess what? He made out with her too! And what did he do to get such a reward? Nothing except running around in the city, screaming, and yelling. C’mon! It was always Optimus who kicked the villain’s ass. Why didn’t he (it?) get his (its?) own sexy time? And also, this proves one thing: a guy with a nice ride always gets the girl. What did Optimus ride (or what was Optimus)? A truck. And what did Mr. LaBeouf ride? A Chevy. Point Proven!

4. The movie gave me a headache

No, not because the movie was bad, which I’m not saying it was, or the story was too difficult to follow. I literally got myself a headache after watching it. Probably because there were lots of robots rolling around that eventually I couldn’t tell what those were anymore.

5. Huntington vs. Fox

If ever there is another Transformers movie, I’d really like to see a scene where Rosie Huntington doing a cat fight against Megan Fox. I don’t have (or need) any particular reasons for this argument except that I am a straight man. And I’d like to see those two slapping each other’s faces, ripping each other’s clothes, pulling each other’s hairs while screaming filthy words to each other. I think it would be fantastic and way, way better than seeing two giant robots rolling around like dilapidated metals. Furthermore, I will surely have a reason to watch the movie. No matter how awful it is.

(wait, did I just say awful? oh, well)